ME student doubles as coach

Editor’s Note: On June 1, the Bravo Network unveiled a new reality series, “Sports Kids Moms and Dads.” The program examines the highs and lows of competition, as well as the fine line between parental support and pressure. Life does not always imitate art: Following is a story about how a good coach can have a positive impact on kids, especially when he has support from his team’s parents.


Instead of studying in his dorm room, mechanical engineering senior Josh Paulman sat in the cafeteria at BGM High School in Brooklyn, Iowa, on a cold Saturday in February, trying to get some homework done for a Monday class.

Looking perplexed, Paulman removed his sweat-stained baseball cap and scratched his head. He erased an answer, wrote something down, and then punched numbers into his Texas Instruments scientific calculator.

Deciding that he still didn’t have the right answer, he erased again and punched in more numbers. While he’s writing, an 11-year-old boy came up to him with a question. Paulman pointed the kid in the right direction and returned to his homework, trying to remember where he was a minute ago. Before he could start calculating again, another boy had a question, so Paulman helped him too.

A couple minutes later, it was time to pack the books away and head over to the gym, where a group of fifth-graders was waiting with anticipation. Since they’d already been through their warm-up, Paulman gathered them around for a quick huddle and barked out a few instructions. The boys put their hands together and yelled “TEAM!”

The official tossed the basketball into the air, and the game was on.

That’s a snapshot of Paulman’s Saturdays this past winter when he coached youth basketball in Huxley—Saturdays he wouldn’t trade for anything. 

“It was a great time for me,” Paulman says. “I can’t say enough about those kids because they were awesome and it was a bright spot in my week when I got to coach them.”

It’s realizing that he’s touching the lives of kids at a very important age that makes coaching special for Paulman. He’s not overbearing and loud like some youth coaches, and he never loses control. You might even call him laid back on the bench, but that’s because he knows the game isn’t just about winning and losing when you’re dealing with 11-year-old boys.

Anyone who has spent time in the gym watching kids play basketball has seen unruly coaches and parents berating officials for bad calls. Even Paulman is amazed at what he sees sometimes, especially watching a coach yelling at his players for making mistakes. After all, he asks, isn’t fifth-grade basketball all about making and learning from mistakes?

For Paulman, screaming at kids and officials isn’t acceptable. “I want the kids to be respectful,” Paulman says, “and their attitudes are a reflection on me.” The only way to teach respect, he adds, is by showing respect himself.

Paulman learned respect and patience from his mother, Deb, who teaches junior high science in Sutherland, Nebraska, where he grew up. Paulman called his mother for advice on how to handle situations from time to time. If he had a question about discipline, it was Deb who steered him in the right direction. Or if there was a problem with a parent, Deb knew how to handle it.

Paulman says the most important thing he’s learned from his mother is that you have to draw a line with kids—and you have to make sure that line is clear and straight.

“You can’t bend it for a single kid on that team,” he says. “You enforce it and put out the consequences you said you were going to, and if you do that, the kids respect you more.”

While some coaches tell horror stories about parents, Paulman says the moms and dads he’s encountered have been very respectful and supportive of his decisions. But if a problem with a parent were ever to occur, he has a defense in mind: “You have to stick by your guns and draw the same line you do with the kids. They’ll respect you more in the end, too.”

Paulman praised the parents he worked with this winter, saying they were a major factor in helping him get through the season with little disruption to his schoolwork.

Not only did the team play games on Saturdays for about 10 weeks, they also practiced two nights a week from November to March. There were a few times Paulman couldn’t make it to practice, and other times when he had to leave early to study for a test the next day. No problem, he says, because parents chipped in and helped.

While Paulman would like to continue coaching after he graduates next December, it won’t be at the high school level—he prefers coaching the younger children. “I enjoy that age level because you don’t get the hot shots or superstars there,” he explains. “You have a bunch of kids who are just learning the basics, and it’s fun to teach that.”